


someone to trust. maybe.

by greenwithirony



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Emotional Intimacy, F/M, Friendship, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Trans Claude von Riegan, Trans Male Character, takes time especially when you're Claude and Edelgard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:48:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21813187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenwithirony/pseuds/greenwithirony
Summary: Being trans in Almyra wasn’t that big of a deal. Claude wasn’t so sure about Fódlan yet.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg & Claude von Riegan, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Claude von Riegan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 127





	someone to trust. maybe.

Something smelled funny.  
  
Edelgard was on her way to the kitchens— she and Caspar had their monthly kitchen duty today. Edelgard was here five minutes early and was expecting Caspar to be exactly on time or a little late. That didn't stop her from having a vision of him throwing random things into a pot, making a mess, and causing this acrid smell. She quickened her pace to a powerwalk.  
  
Edelgard turned the corner to find not Caspar, but Claude, who was carefully emptying the contents of a stone bowl into a pot sitting on a woodburning stove.  
  
Well. This was interesting. "Hello, Claude."  
  
Claude looked up and smiled. It seemed like a very automatic gesture. "Hey, princess."  
  
Edelgard wrinkled her nose. "What are you doing?"  
  
Claude shrugged and started stirring the yellowy-green mixture in the pot with a large spoon. "Oh, I’m just brewing up some brew. What're you doing?”  
  
“I've got kitchen duty with Caspar in a few minutes.”  
  
“Ah. Kitchen duty. Great fun.” Claude held his hand out over the pot, presumably to check the heat. "Have you ever had issues with anyone in your house trying to get out of it?”  
  
Edelgard crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the counter behind her. This could end up being a long conversation. She might as well get comfortable. “No. Have you?”  
  
Claude chuckled. “Yeah.... Hilda several times. But that’s no surprise. Lorenz once the very first time, right after he found out about it. He felt like there were better ways he could be spending his time. We had a little chat— I told him there’s no way he can help the commoners if he has no idea what kind of work they do all day, and he ate that right up and hasn’t complained since.”  
  
Edelgard nodded, then remembered Claude wasn’t looking at her. “Yes. I must say, one of the things do I completely agree with about this school is the kitchen duty requirement.”  
  
Claude set the spoon aside and turned to face her. He raised an eyebrow. “You make it sound like there’s a lot of things about this place you disagree with.”  
  
Edelgard grimaced internally, hoping it didn’t show on her face. Of course Claude wouldn’t let a comment like that slide. “Well, there's always room for improvement.” She fished around for something relatively benign to say that didn’t betray the depth of her vendetta against the church. "For instance, I still can't believe they hired Professor Byleth. It's worked out fine, but Byleth is barely older than us and seemed completely out of their element at first. I think they've been a mercenary their whole life and have absolutely no experience doing anything like this."  
  
Claude nodded. "Yeah, that’s definitely a little strange. You'd think there’d be plenty of qualified people raring to teach at the famous Garreg Mach." He grinned cheekily as he grabbed the stirring spoon again. "If you feel like you're missing out due to Teach's ineptitude, you’re always free to transfer to my class.”  
  
Edelgard laughed abruptly. “And leave Ferdinand to be house leader? Please.”  
  
Claude chuckled as he started stirring again. Whatever he was making, it seemed to have a rather thick consistency, and require a decent amount of constant heat. “Oh, so it'd be Ferdinand, not Hubert, who would take over? I must say, earlier I was half expecting you to say Ferdinand had tried to get out of kitchen duty.”  
  
“Oh, no.” Edelgard smiled wryly. “Ferdinand's always competing with me, so he sees me doing anything and has to prove he’s better at it.” She sighed. "In this specific case, there’s a very good chance he might be, but I’d never tell him that. He'd never let me live it down.”  
  
Claude laughed. “Well, he sounds like a character. I’ll have to put in an effort to get to know him a little better.”  
  
“You do that then. And..." she paused for a moment, "...what I said earlier was in jest. Ferdinand would do fine as house leader, I think. He steps up when needed.” For some reason, she really didn’t want Claude to think she held her friends in contempt or looked down on them in any way. Edelgard frowned internally. Why, exactly, did she care what Claude thought of her?  
  
Claude grinned at her. “You, making a joke? Next thing you know wyverns will have arms.”  
  
Edelgard blinked. Claude was clearly teasing her. That knowledge was no help in formulating a proper response. "It happens, sometimes."  
  
Claude smiled again but said nothing after that, turning back to his pot of yellow-green potion. Edelgard watched him for a moment. She really wanted to know what he was making. It was Claude. It had to be something interesting. Especially since he hadn’t volunteered the information earlier when she had asked what he was doing.

Edelgard reflected on the conversation so far. It was going rather well. They’d each talked about some of their friends. She’d criticized the school and he’d agreed with her. They’d joked around a little bit. She’d talked to Claude a handful of times before this, and they’d always gotten along, but it was usually very surface level, with neither giving the other much of any insight into anything meaningful. This was probably the longest and most in-depth conversation they’d had.

Edelgard decided to milk this so far fruitful encounter with Claude for all that it was worth. “Are you sure you should be making poison in the kitchens?” She was pretty sure it wasn’t poison, but if she made an incorrect assumption Claude might jump to correct her and in doing so say more than he would have otherwise.  
  
Claude put a hand to his chest in mock afront. “Hey, this isn’t poison! I make things that aren’t poison all the time!”  
  
“Do you now?” It was Edelgard’s turn to raise an eyebrow.  
  
“Yeah, like vulneraries and stuff.” Claude scooped a small portion of the liquid out of the pot with the spoon and then poured it back in. It had thinned out noticeably from earlier. It also either didn’t smell as bad, or Edelgard was just getting used to it.  
  
“Oh? I must admit I never put much thought into how vulneraries are made.”  
  
“Yeah, well, it’s not terribly difficult once you get the hang of it.” Claude set the spoon down and took the pot off the stove, setting it on the adjacent stone counter. He began removing flasks from a high cabinet and placing them next to the pot. “Often comfrey or marigold is used as a base, but I’ve seen plantain leaves and other things used as well. First, you usually grind the plant up, and then…”  
  
This wasn’t quite what Edelgard was expecting. She had no idea what Claude was talking about, but his animated voice was nice to listen to and she figured that even starting with zero background knowledge she could probably learn something, so she put in an effort to keep paying attention. She made a mental note— for future reference, if she ever needed to get Claude talking, ask about potions.  
  
“It’s not common, but I really like adding myrrh resin, too. I think it makes the vulnerary more potent, and it makes them smell better, so that’s a win-win.”  
  
“You're certainly very knowledgeable. Have you been making vulneraries for a long time?”  
  
“Yeah, a decent while.” Claude was in the process of funneling the potion from the pot into the first of a half-dozen flasks.  
  
Edelgard turned at the sound of thumping feet. A moment later, Caspar burst around the corner, panting slightly.  
  
“Hey, Edelgard. Oh, and Claude.” Caspar waved sheepishly. “Sorry I’m late, I got a little distracted.”  
  
“That’s alright.” Edelgard stood upright, removing her back from its resting place against the counter. “Are you ready to get started?”  
  
“Yeah, let’s go!” Caspar did a mini fist-pump. “I think I saw an open spot where we can work on my way in.”  
  
Edelgard turned her attention back to Claude, inclining her head in his direction. “It was nice talking to you, Claude.”  
  
“Likewise, princess.” He was smiling again, and something in his eyes hinted that it was genuine instead of just a pleasantry like when they’d greeted each other. Edelgard wondered what it would take to get Claude to call her by her name.  
  
As Edelgard left with Caspar, she took one last glance over her shoulder at the potion Claude was still carefully transferring into flasks. As expected, Claude had never actually said what it was. After that in-depth discussion of vulneraries, he probably would’ve told her if it was just a vulnerary. Besides, he hadn’t mentioned anything about vulneraries requiring heat.  
  
It occurred to Edelgard that Claude could’ve been lying to her about the vulnerary making process, but she quickly dismissed the thought. That was her paranoia and trust issues talking. Claude had no reason to lie about that, and besides, he had no way of knowing for sure that she had no prior knowledge— if she had known already, she would’ve been able to call him out easily. Claude was too smart for that.  
  
In any case, the details about vulneraries served well as a distraction. It certainly wasn’t the first time Edelgard had seen Claude subtly steer a conversation away from something he didn’t want to talk about.  
  
The more Edelgard got to know Claude, the more she wondered if his secrets rivaled her own in number.

* * *

The first time Claude ran into Edelgard at the library late at night, they didn't speak a word to one another. Claude noticed Edelgard was sitting in the back corner with a frown on her face and two large stacks of books at the end of her table.  
  
The second time, Claude had been working on a paper about different styles of axe wielding techniques and their origins while at the same time trying to surreptitiously dig up information on the church. Edelgard was in the same far corner with another huge pile of books. Claude had approached her to ask a question about axes, and also to try and peek at her numerous books. He only managed to read two titles, as Edelgard had almost all the spines of the books turned towards herself. The one on top of the stack was about battle strategy, and one near the middle was on the history of the Knights of Seiros.  
  
The third time was after their talk in the kitchens. Claude had gotten to the library first, and Edelgard had approached him and asked to sit at his table. They only discussed their homework, although Claude had a few completely irrelevant history and church related books out that he was sure Edelgard noticed.  
  
The fourth time, they actually discussed the church. Nothing too scandalous, just pointing out some interesting historical tidbits.  
  
The fifth time, after glancing over his shoulder, Claude had ventured to ask Edelgard about the rumors that Archbishop Rhea had ordered the execution of every member of the Western Church involved in the rebellion a month or so ago. The two of them had then scoured the library for any records of the church "passing judgement" on their followers, but weren't able to find much of anything.  
  
This was the sixth time. Not that Claude was counting.  
  
They were sitting next to one another in the back corner, reading and passing books back and forth whenever they found something interesting.  
  
Claude had found a registry of all the clergy that had ever worked for the church. It was probably the driest thing he had ever read, and he was minutes away from setting it aside when one of the names caught his eye.  
  
_Bishop Elizabeth von Steinnauer, formerly Karl von Steinnauer._  
  
Elizabeth. Formerly Karl. That certainly had implications.  
  
Edelgard had looked up from her book. Claude could feel her eyes boring into him. “Something got your attention?”  
  
Claude must've been staring at this page for too long. "Yeah, nothing particularly important..." He considered whether or not to show her.  
  
So far, he'd kept quiet about anything to do with being trans, partially because he didn't want to draw any more attention to himself and partially because Fódlan was such an unknown in this area. His parents back home were accepting, and while a few people here and there didn't get it, on the whole it hadn't been a huge deal in Almyra. However, he was a little worried about potentially backwards ideas in Fódlan due to, yknow, how the church censors things and makes stuff up. He'd already found a few sketchy things in this library that didn't inspire hope.  
  
But. This was a very casual way to bring up this topic that was completely unrelated to himself. He'd be a fool to pass up this opportunity.  
  
Claude slid the book over to Edelgard. "I found this interesting, though." He pointed to the name halfway down the page. "This is a register of previous clergy in all branches of the church."  
  
Edelgard leaned over slightly and peered at the book's small print. Claude was watching her face carefully, so he caught the rise of her eyebrows and slight frown before a neutral expression settled back onto her face.  
  
Hm. Intriguing.  
  
"Assuming," Edelgard began slowly, "that this person is trans, it's rather annoying that the church put their old name in this book, isn't it?"  
  
If Claude was less practiced at concealing his reactions, he probably would've been scraping his jaw off the floor. He'd honestly been expecting some initial confusion from Edelgard, leading to him explaining the possible significance of the two very differently gendered names.  
  
He swallowed. "Yeah, if that's the case it is a little annoying." Claude leaned back in his chair, away from the table. "You seem to have some prior knowledge about this."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Edelgard’s reply was tense and clipped, her gloved hands clasped tightly underneath the table. She was staring across the room at nothing with an expression that seemed very deliberately blank. Claude's thoughts were whirling, trying to decide between waiting and pushing a little further.  
  
"My older brother," Edelgard said suddenly, so softly that if they were outside, a slight breeze could've rendered her words inaudible.  
  
Claude didn't dare move a muscle.  
  
"One of my older brothers, anyway. He was seven years my elder, and figured himself out and changed his name when he was fifteen."  
  
"What was his name?"  
  
"William."  
  
Claude had so many more questions. What was Edelgard's initial reaction? The reactions of the rest of her family? How did William figure it out? Did he have any role models, fictional, historical, or living? Did the general public know? Well, considering two minutes ago Claude had no idea Edelgard even had any older brothers, probably not. He wondered if any of them were still alive.  
  
Edelgard was still looking far away, her usually clear and piercing eyes cloudy, like the last vestiges of a sunset covered by a dense fog. Claude had a sinking suspicion that none of them were still alive, and decided this was not the time for more questions.  
  
"Thank you for telling me," he said softly. That was painfully inadequate, but he felt it was necessary to say something to acknowledge that this conversation had opened an old wound of Edelgard's.  
  
Edelgard nodded and looked back down at her book. “Thank you for listening.”  
  
Claude slide the clergy registry back over to himself and pretended to be reading it. He thought back to a few weeks ago when Edelgard ran into him making his testosterone potion in the kitchen. There was no way she knew that's what he was doing, right? She'd seemed a little lost when he started explaining how vulneraries were made, so the likelihood that she knew anything about T potion was low...  
  
After a moment, Claude realized that, actually, this was a moot point, because the thought of Edelgard knowing didn't really bother him. His Almyran heritage was absolutely a secret he would continue to keep under lock and key, but the whole being trans thing? If it came up again, he’d probably just tell her he was making T instead of dancing around the subject.  
  
The whole concept of feeling comfortable enough to casually drop personal information when it was relevant, to just talk freely about yourself, had been distant for Claude’s whole life and had become an absolute pipe dream the moment he set foot in Fódlan. Edelgard’s reasons were likely different, but Claude got the feeling that she was also keeping important secrets. Secrets that he may never know.  
  
Claude allowed himself to dream, for a blissful moment, of an open and honest world where all of this tiptoeing around the truth was unnecessary.


End file.
